That one time I went to jail.

I have known for a long time that I had to write this. It isn’t something I have wanted to share but it is an incredible story about how God is faithful even before I even wanted anything to do with him.

 

My parents divorced when I was around the age of 5. My Sister and I lived with our Mom and visited our Dad who we adored on weekends. Our Mom’s parenting style is what I would call “Exploding parenting.” She let us get away with so many things. My Mom had no schedule on anything. The house was always a disaster and meals were not made. It didn’t matter if she was working, in college, or a stay at home Mom. It was just always chaos. When she had really had it with us kids being the junkers she allowed us to be, she would blow up and beat the tar out of us. We were often told she never wanted us and many other things I don’t even want to write. It is just too yucky. The thing is we never knew when she would explode and so 9 times out of 10 we could get away with stuff. If you use those odds for gambling they are pretty sweet odds.

I knew at a very young age that my Mom was not with it or whatever words you may have. I have heard stories about when I was a toddler and my Dad and I had to go to my Grandparents because my Mom was freaking out. We had to let her cool down before going back home. Dad would say “Okay it’s time to go home now.” I would say “We can’t go back there! She’s crazy!”

 

When I say she beat the tar out of us I mean it could be pretty bad. She gave me my first bloody nose when I was three. I remember it and I remember I got it because my little Sister was learning to pull herself up and I pushed her down. Apparently that warrants a bloody nose. My Mom was a Jehovah’s Witness which brought in a whole other set of issues. Like us not having birthdays and not being allowed to have friends with people at school because they weren’t Jehovah’s Witnesses. We didn’t have Christmas or other holidays. Which was embarrassing at school of course. Our house was just a dark gloomy and sad place all the time.

 

In 6th grade things had gotten pretty bad. Especially since I am a pretty strong willed girl. My Mom and I butted heads often because I wanted to have friends and be around people and that was not allowed. I started being around friends that their parents didn’t care if my Mom wasn’t home.(Which in 6th grade isn’t often the best of people.) Since that was the only time I could have someone over was to sneak them when my Mom worked. One day she was very mad at me and I could tell a major beating was coming. I actually don’t remember what I did wrong. I screamed in her face that she wasn’t going to beat me anymore. So she went crazy and I called my Dad’s house. He was at work and my Step Sister answered the phone. I asked her for help and she said she couldn’t do anything because Dad was at work or something like that. My Mom took the phone and told her that my Dad better come quick because she was going to strangle me if he didn’t. My Step Sister called my Dad at work and he came to get me right away. So that is how I ended up at my Dad’s house. Later she told stories about how I beat her up and how awful I treated her. I was so surprised! I didn’t do anything to her at all that I can remember. She didn’t let me have any of my clothing or bedroom furniture so my Dad had to get all new stuff for me. Including a bed. Eventually my Dad had the police help him get some of my clothing at least. I never did get it all. My Dad did take me to the police station to try and file something against my Mom for what she did to me. She pulled out a lot of my hair while I was waiting for my Dad to come. The police couldn’t do anything and needed more proof. They didn’t even file a report. This was the Lebanon Police Department.

 

Life at my Dad’s house was very different. It was clean there and there were meals. It wasn’t a super happy place because my Dad and Step Mom argued a lot but it wasn’t too bad. I got along well with my Step Sister and really loved her. After being there about 6 months my Dad came home from work early. He told us that he had quit his job and we were going to move to Bend. He had a very good job and it seemed weird that he would just quit it one day! Well I found out he had been fired of his long time job of at least 12 years because of drugs. They liked him so much that they had even given him a second chance and he still failed his drug screen again. Things started to decline majorly at my Dad’s house and he let drugs get a stronger and stronger hold on him. He never brought any of it around me and instead he would just disappear. I eventually lost him to drugs totally and even started to believe that the good person I remembered him being was just a made up fantasy that little girls can do with their Daddies. He got a job in Bend and we moved there. Even though he was working things were still declining rapidly. My Mom and I were talking again and she was trying to get me to move back home with her. While Mom’s house was awful it was all I knew and one thing she was good at was being stable with paying bills. So I went back to my Mother’s place.

 

Life was almost instantly bad at my Mom’s house when I got back. I would get grounded for entire terms of school because she didn’t like my grades. I had always gotten wonderful grades but because of life just being so chaotic I had finally stopped caring I think. She didn’t ask me if I had homework and didn’t make me go to school or support me in any way when I was struggling so that didn’t help either. Our fights got more explosive because I stood up for myself and told her when she was being awful. She broke glass plates over my head and I would go to school with bloody open knuckles from covering my head while she hit me. No one at school knew. I would lie all the time about how normal my life and family were. I was so ashamed of what I was going through. I didn’t want anyone to know. For P.E. I would change my clothing in the bathroom stalls so no one would see the bruises covering my body. One girl did see them though because she peeked at me joking around and doing what middle school girls do. She kept it to herself because I asked.

 

In a way I feel for my Mom. She was a single Mom and worked full time. I know raising kids is so hard! It is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I know she was overwhelmed but nothing excuses all the things she did. I just couldn’t take it anymore and was planning to end my life soon in the summer after 8th grade. We didn’t believe in hell and I was sure that being no where  and dead was better then being there where I was hated. I had asked to move back in with my Dad and she went and talked with them on the phone privately and came back and said they didn’t want me. She said a lot more bad stuff that I can’t remember. Then she started slapping me in the face and calling me a tough girl and kept asking me to fight her. Eventually I lunged at her while saying some sort of curse words and bit her and held on because I was so scared of what she would do to me. I just couldn’t sit there and let her hit me anymore. She yelled for my Sister to call the police and they came. For the first time ever I confessed everything that was happening in my house to the officer. I even told them about my language that I was ashamed of saying to my Mom. Then he went and talked to my Mom a while and came out and told me they were taking me to jail! To Jail! I could not believe it!!! They didn’t check me anywhere for marks and said I was going to jail for assaulting my Mom!

 

The juvenile detention center was terrifying to a kid like me. After one night we had court over the phone with the judge. They said I could go home that day. My Mom didn’t even show up and left a note saying she was too scared of me and didn’t want me back in the home. The judge looked at our notes and our stories were not even remotely similar and my sister just told the police she didn’t see anything so her testimony was out. So the judge kept me locked up because she didn’t know what else to do with me. Getting checked into the detention center they did see the hand prints on my back and asked about them. I tried to lie in and say they were mosquito bites. I was very embarrassed. The lady told me she knew they were not mosquito bites. I finally told her they were from my Mom and that my Mom hit me all the time. She just replied that I should just never hit my Mom back no matter what. I was left in there for 5 days. My Mom’s parents immediately had wanted me but they would not allow me to go with them. The maximum amount you are allowed to be in there was 8 days for my situation. So eventually on the 5th day they let me go with my Mom’s parents. When I was released I was so ashamed and was sure they would hate me for being in jail where horrible kids go. I didn’t know they knew what was happening and was trying to make it so me and my sister could live with them. When I came out of the door we just all hugged tight (hugs from my Grandma and Grandpa Brady especially were the best in the world.) and bawled our eyes out for a very long time. They whispered to me “We know you didn’t do anything wrong.” They didn’t even know the story and they knew! I will never forget that hug and the healing it brought. How safe it made me feel. My Grandpa was a massive man and gave huge bear hugs that swallowed your entire body while my Grandma smelled amazing like always. A beautiful combination. Five days after the initial incident my Grandparents saw the marks my Mom left all over my back. How the inside of my mouth was hamburger and my missing hair she had yanked out. At the time it seemed insane I had even been brought to jail at all to us.

 

Things were so different then anything I had experienced before at my Grandparents. My Grandparents were Jesus freaks! We lived at church! It terrified me. I was raised being told that if I visited their church and partook in any of their stuff that I was inviting demons into my home. Still I lived there and it was the happiest place on earth full of so much joy. The main thing that was cared about was that I went to church. Eventually over time I was able to study the bible well enough to learn the truth on my own and got saved.  I can never thank my Grandparents enough for saving me and teaching me about Jesus. Teaching me that I am important and loved and deserve the best in life. Sculpting me into a better person and helping me be on a much better path. For my Grandpa being a wonderful example of a husband and father which in turn helped me pick a man very similar to him. In ways that he isn’t like my Grandpa he is similar to my Grandma.

 

This story sounds awful but it was the only way I could have been saved. I just know it and feel it deep in my soul. It is what has made me who I am. Made me grateful and a mostly very appreciative person. I would have ended my life most likely if it wasn’t for me going to jail. I know if I had somehow moved in with my Grandparents without all that happening my Mom would have come around. She would have caused a lot of problems because she always has and always will. I wouldn’t heal and no way would I ever have gotten saved. The court being involved and all of that insured she stayed away because in her mind staying away from us was proof of how bad I was I think. She couldn’t let me back in the house because then people might know she wasn’t being truthful about what had happened. I am guessing these things I don’t really know her reasons. I did talk to my Mom about it once and she told me she didn’t tell the truth because she was scared they would take my sister away too. Yet later she in an email denied she ever did any wrong in this situation. I am grateful for God working this for good and for it being a horrible situation but also one of the most beautiful. My sister even eventually came to know Christ because of this situation happening. So many steps God put in place perfectly to make so many things happen that are wonderful. Too many to list! My Mom got remarried right after I left and never hit my sister again. Her husband didn’t really know me and was convinced I was the devil. She couldn’t hit my sister ever and prove to him that I wasn’t lying. Over the years they were married I could tell he liked me once he got to know me.  He was a nice man. Eventually she divorced him as well. She is onto the next husband (number 4) now and hasn’t changed.

 

Yes my Mom has done horrible things. Really she should have served jail time for all the many many bad things she has done to so many over the years. I forgive her. I forgive you Mom. I forgive for myself. Sometimes I feel angry about what she did. That I don’t have parents to just come take my kids on the weekends so I can have a break. We tried to keep her in our life for a long time. She caused so many problems over the years, eventually we prayed about it and decided to just be done with the hurt and roller coasters of emotions she brings.  I have thought about suing her in a civil suit because money is her everything. Thought about taking the money I would win and give every single penny to abused children. That isn’t what God wants for me I don’t think. I think revenge would be a horrible thing for me to do.  I still hear stories my Mom has told about us girls. What horrible things we have said and done to our Mom. How sad it is she has such horrible children. So I just give it to God when my anger and hurt flare. Which is hard to do at times. Ultimately when all is said and one I have been beyond blessed with a beautiful life. My life is mostly great and God has given me some friends better then any parents I could be missing. My sister is one who truly understands all of this since she lived it too. It is so nice having her in my life so many reasons!

 

This scripture is so true for me. I can see God’s beautiful hand in my life even before I knew him.

Ephesians 1:4-5New Living Translation (NLT)

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.

I also love this verse. No matter what has happened to me God has been there holding me up and helping me survive.

Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

If you weren’t or aren’t loved there is someone who always will. God. No matter how horrible life seems and how hopeless it seems it can always turn into something amazing! Don’t ever give up hope!

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Miracles do happen

I always considered Zane my little miracle baby. Kevin and I weren’t married very long and I was taking birth control (correctly I might add) when we found out we were going to be parents. We were terrified and not ready. Kevin was still in college full time and I was the only one working. We were in the emergency room for something not pregnancy related when we found out. We held each other in the hospital bed and cried together with happy and terrified tears worried about the future. Little did we know for the next several years we would be holding each other crying and praying because our son and little miracle would be so hard.

 

Zane was a good baby. He required a lot of sleep and had a very serious personality. He was beautiful and his Daddy and I loved him with all our hearts. As he got older I noticed he was VERY busy. That didn’t bother me so much because he was healthy and happy. About the age of 18 months he started being cranky and as he got older it got worse and worse. We were told it was just a stage. He would get over it. Be consistent. As he aged it just got worse and worse and worse. I thought it was a stage until it just didn’t stop. Things happened in our home that I don’t tell people about because I didn’t want people to not like Zane or judge him. Yes people would also judge us as parents because only bad parents have bad kids right? When he was little around age 3 and 4 I cared a lot about what people would think about us. As he got older we cared less and less and just survived. I was CONSTANTLY wondering what I was doing wrong. What we as parents could do better to help our son. My Grandpa Brady who raised me always told me to look at reality and face life head on. Rarely does it ever do anyone any good to ignore problems. There was a point in my Mommy heart where I knew something was wrong and I was ready to fight and do whatever it took to get some answers for our family. If I didn’t do it now someday his wife and kids would suffer because of where we failed to try. We took him to therapy and had him evaluated and I even told the doctor “I don’t care if it  is 100 percent my fault. Just give me the information on what I have to do to help him be better and I will do it.” We spent thousands of dollars out of our pockets to just get an answer to help our family. We didn’t get an answer. They told us he is all over the place and they could not give us a diagnosis. He didn’t fit one category. Which with my studying I found to be true as well which is why we took him to be evaluated. They did say there was something for sure going on with him.

 

What is so bad you ask? Well it is hard to explain but we would have mostly bad days. He was angry all the time. Nothing made him happy. When we were in Disneyland he said countless times “This is the worst vacation ever.” Sounds like a spoiled brat yes? I can assure you he isn’t overly spoiled and mostly we are very consistent parents. He hated love and affection. If he got hurt and I tried to help he would scream at me and sometimes kick me. If I talked to him in public he would glare at me and tell me I was embarrassing. He would throw four hour fits over breaking a toy. He would nit pick everyone in the house until we went almost insane. He would tell me and Kevin that we were the worst parents ever and many more HORRIBLE AND ABUSIVE things. There was no break from this. About once a month he would have a good day and we would say “Great job buddy!! How you acted today lets keep it up and try it tomorrow!” We tried every sort of punishment and rewards and charts and NOTHING ever worked ever. There was no break from this and Kevin even once said to me ” A kid like this would destroy most marriages.” In stores he would climb on everything and touch everything. We even almost left our amazing church for a church that did worship without kids with us because I was sick and tired of taking him out of worship one to three times every Sunday to talk to him. He is 8 years old. It is not normal for an 8 year old to act like this. His sister is 2 and doesn’t have these issues. As he behaved beyond awful for all these years I would pray and pray. It was like being tortured every day and there was nothing in my control to fix it. I felt bad for Zane because how good can you feel about yourself being in trouble all the time? Not good at all. So while I was angry for being treated so bad by him I also felt for him greatly as well. I got to where I would severely limit which things in public we would do to minimize the chances of Zane blowing up in public. One Sunday we went to church at my Grandma’s church to watch a special worship service my friends were in. Kevin was busy so me and the kids went alone. There was no child care so they sat with me. Zane who was 8 was all over the place. I had brought stuff to keep him busy but it didn’t work. There were a bunch of kids younger then him sitting in front of us not having ANY of the issues he was having. He was on the floor climbing under the pews and standing up at not appropriate times. Throwing paper at people in front of us. Arguing with me and flicking me. My two year old was just sitting and being good. We finally left early because it was so bad and in the car on the way home I just screamed at God. “God where are you in this?! We need a miracle!!! Why aren’t you helping us with this situation? It has been so many years!” So many times the email I saved from my Mom that she wrote when Zane was first born came into my head. I save all my Mom’s abusive emails, it is something my Dad taught me to do to protect myself from her. (Long story that doesn’t pertain to this.) She said I would have problems with Zane because I was such a problem person. That Kevin would see how bad I am and soon everyone would know how bad I was. That was the gist of it. While I knew my Mom was wrong it did hurt me for years and years during battles with Zane. I did question myself often. Now I know that was just Satan using my Mom to hurt us as usual. Still life was hard and sometimes we worried about him hurting himself or us.

 

Like I said, I am a fighter. I like to figure things out. So we did try therapy and getting him evaluated. We tried taking out gluten and sugar and all kinds of punishments and rewards. We did positive self talk every day before school. Which Zane fought every single day and would have a punishment and then positive self talk time. He never learned to stop fighting it no matter the talks we had when he was calm. I prayed pretty much every day and asked God for a miracle for our boy. Finally I ordered some labs for him myself because of some health stuff I have I knew what to order for him. His labs did come back iffy. Which knowing what I do now the issue he had can cause the labs to be the way they are. So I made a doctor appointment. For a little while I had kind of been hearing God say to just be still and wait. So I still made the doctor appointment because being still is not my thing. So I prayed and asked God to not let us go to that doctor appointment if it is not his will for us. The next morning it snowed ONLY at his doctors office! It snowed and it was almost spring! Only at the doctor’s office and the bridge to get to it in North Albany! We had to cancel the appointment. I decided to wait on God to make another appointment. Which we never did make another doctor appointment for him for this. I was angry because I still didn’t have an answer. We were still basically living in hell and I had no idea when God was going to pull through. I did know somehow he would make this okay OR use it for good someday.

 

One day our friends from church Rob and Lindsay posted about how much red dye had effected their sweet little girl on Facebook. I had heard about how dye effects kids and kind of blew it off because I was sure it couldn’t effect a kid so badly to have him act like our kid does. Plus we don’t eat  a lot of dye and eat pretty healthy in our home. There was no way an allergy was making him so crazy. Reading what they had to say and knowing what excellent parents they are really made me change my mind and give it a shot. Mother’s Day rolls around and we went to my Grandma’s church to see her and the pastor interrupts the worship to say “Someone here needs to hear this. God says you are getting your miracle. Your miracle is on it’s way!” I knew right away that it was for me. I thought in my head “My life is pretty good what do I need a miracle for? Oh DUH! For Zane!!! Wow I sure hope this is really for us.” We had gone dye free just a few days before that. He had been better but not really enough to notice yet. I left feeling terrified that I was crazy and that miracle wasn’t really for our family. I was wondering when this miracle would happen. Maybe in 10 years! God sometimes is slow. lol The next day I opened my Bible app and read the daily verse and it was this…  The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice and be glad. Psalm 118:24  Just wow.

 

Since that day our son has been full of joy. He has been affectionate and loving. When he does something wrong and is asked to stop he just says “ok” and stops. This is unheard of in our house considering Zane. He has been saying things like “Mom I don’t know why but I feel so happy.” Or “Mom you are just the best Mom in the world.” I had to pull over and cry one day because he was saying just so many nice things to me which is not how our life has been. I knew I needed to write about this. I wanted to wait to see if he would continue being good. I didn’t want to write this and then have him go back to normal and be the “crazy” lady. I feel I need to take this step in faith and just write it. You don’t really understand how bad we have had it until you lived it. It isn’t normal kid behavior that we dealt with all these years. It is really scary with the thought of it all being over because there is the fear of what if we are wrong and this behavior comes back? He has had one major melt down since cutting dye but it was after accidentally ingesting yellow and red dye. It was a blessing really to find out that it is a problem for sure.

 

Thank you so much to the amazing people who helped and lived in the trenches with me. My wonderful husband Kevin who was always trying to think of things to help me and Zane. Staying up late with me and praying and crying with me. To my wonderful Yaya friends who listen to me and help me. Julie for saying when I was so upset one night about Zane after I said “Why did God give me a kid like this?!” Your response was “Maybe God gave him you.” I remembered that in the hard times and it did help me manage. Mandi for loving Zane anyway and just forcing me to let him spend time at your house to give me a break. Charlotte for being able to relate to what I was going through more then most people. To Rob and Lindsay for sharing your struggles on Facebook because in doing so it helped our family. To anyone else to listened to me and supported me in ways. Thank you! I know there are people who have been praying for us for YEARS. Thank you so very much!! Most of all thank you to God! I can’t wait to see what he has in store for Zane’s life.

 

Is it a miracle that we found out Zane can not do dye? For sure it is! God can heal but for some reason sometimes he doesn’t. Having a solution and something to help him have a normal life is a miracle to us!

I became a better person through all this. I have learned how to love better no matter the circumstance. I am not perfect at it but so much better. I have learned to not judge parents with out of control kids because we never know their story. There is so many more things I have learned through this. Too many to list! Most of all I learned God is always there. He is real and how he works can never be guessed or explained.

I am going to kind of copy what Rob said here…

If you love our family please don’t give Zane colored things to eat. Unless you have checked them for all dye. Don’t let him use colored soap or paint even because we have found those to effect him as well. Even bubble bath can effect him. Here is a list of symptoms your kid can have from dye. It is the first time ever Zane’s symptoms have been listed all in one place, ever. The only symptom he didn’t have was breathing issues. I wonder how many kids had this growing up and were labeled bad and were not bad? I feel for the poor mothers and kids who had to live this life and just didn’t know. It’s traumatic for the parents and the child.

http://www.diefooddye.com/2012/07/12/12-signs-your-family-has-food-coloring-sensitivity/

God – Food – Me

I will start with I do not consider myself to be a writer. I feel compelled today to share what current miracle God is working in my life. Some day I’ll share my entire story because, WOW it’s a miracle! Today I am just sharing this current life struggle for me. The big F words… FAT and FOOD.

 

If I had to pinpoint an age where my food issues began I would say age 8. I was kind of a tiny kid but my legs have always been bigger then my peers no matter my weight. I didn’t have anyone at home to tell me I was fine and perfect just the way God made me. By age 8 I made almost all my own food, cleaned the house (poorly), and did the entire households laundry. My parents were divorced and my Mom existed as a shell of a person not able to ever care emotionally for my sister and I. There were NO family meals and I was left to figure it out on my own. I did not eat breakfast for years and no one knew. My biggest fear was to become overweight. At the same time my biggest comfort was food.

 

Fast forward a few years and I turned to starving myself. No one noticed when I didn’t eat for days. When I did cave and eat I would binge and throw up. I didn’t get insanely thin like you would imagine. I looked happy and healthy on the outside. I was always smiling. I was severely depressed on the inside. I was age 14 when that started. I started medication for this and continued to take it off and on into my adulthood. I couldn’t continue this way of life and that is when God started his slow change and intervention.

 

I moved in with my Grandparents at age 14 and we had JOY and LOTS of family dinners. I was told I was beautiful and special every single day! I felt love so much love. I put on weight and even got a little chubby for a bit. Life was wonderful but food was still controlling me and depression was still around. I came to know Jesus during this time with my Grandparents. I prayed often about food. I lost the weight I gained and thought all was okay. Food was still controlling me though even though it didn’t look like it on the outside. It was in my thoughts every hour of every day.

 

Fast forward a few more years to being married and pregnant with our first child. I FINALLY wasn’t obsessing over food and ate all I wanted. I gained an obscene amount of weight. Weight that I never could loose. My biggest fear had come true. In some ways becoming overweight was the best thing that ever happened to me. I actually became a more confident person. I would swim in my bathing suit in front of others and not try to hide myself any longer. I became less vain. I was all about looks and nice clothes. Outside appearances were overly important to me and now are not.  Still I hated being overweight. I hated that it seems that people assume you are lazy when you are overweight. I have always been far from lazy. I felt awful and depressed all the time. I prayed constantly for God to help me with my struggles and it felt like he wasn’t there and wasn’t going to listen.

 

In 2012 my GOOD friends Jeni and Mandi convinced me to start running again. I felt incredible!! I have always enjoyed working out and while I wasn’t running a 7 minute mile like I sometimes could in the past I was still moving!!! I did several 5k’s in 2012-2013 and joined the gym with my dear friends. I became addicted to group exercise. I was counting calories and sometimes working out 4 hours a day. I was killing myself trying to do it MY way. I lost a few pounds but not even a fraction of what you would expect. I kept up the extreme exercise a little over a year until I got pregnant again.

 

I was excited to be pregnant again! I was going to lean on exercise and not gain weight this time like with my first pregnancy. I was going to manage not being on my depression medication with exercise! I had a plan! God had other plans as usual. I started having bleeding and was put on bed rest for 2 months. I ended up with gestational diabetes and had complete placenta previa. (Where your placenta completely covers your cervix.)

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

 

It sure didn’t feel like God was working anything for good. I had to rely on God and not my plan or exercise. Pretty soon I found out the diabetic way of eating was helping my depression. I would have never known that if I wasn’t pregnant and not on my medication. Coincidence? No. There aren’t coincidences with God. I also found not eating sugar made my cravings for food go away I wasn’t nearly as hungry. I felt so good and realized diabetes had become a blessing for me. My placenta ended up moving and I was able to have a wonderful healthy birth of our little angel from God. Evangeline Leona.

 

After having my little girl I planned on eating the diabetic way still. I didn’t. I can’t pinpoint to exactly why. Maybe it was because I was tired? Maybe it was because I was allowed to have normal food again and once I did I was like a ravenous drug addict looking to score and couldn’t stop myself? Lots of reasons I guess? I spun out of control with food once again. I felt hopeless and continued to pray and pray. Shortly after we had the baby I found out our insurance was being switched through my husbands work. We would no longer be able to afford comfortably the medication that worked for my depression. So I was forced to look for alternative solutions. I tried different vitamins and supplements and they did help but not totally. I was still praying for help with depression and food now. I also learned that all this time my thyroid was not functioning at optimum levels. So I looked up a low functioning thyroid diet. Which is very similar to a diabetic diet. Coincidence? Probably not. I knew what I needed to do and and I couldn’t make the change myself.

 

One day after Thanksgiving something clicked! God had flipped a switch inside me. I started my  new way of eating for my thyroid! No sugar, low carbs, and high fat. No sugar substitutes because those make me feel yucky. I ate all I needed and was loosing weight! My depression went away! I did have to avoid events with food that triggered me. I had to pray constantly for God to help me make good choices and help me know how to feed my family and survive this no sugar thing. He delivered! He keeps delivering. My insane drug addict like food urges went away! I prayed for God to provide me with support with this new way of living and, BOOM he answered fast!  Now a lot of my family eats the same way as I do. He sent me my friends Kandi, Meggan, and Ronita to support me and speak God’s truth into me.

 

Some days it’s still hard. I am not done! God’s plan has been way better then mine and I don’t know where he will lead me next on this journey but I know it’s better then anything I can think up. He has made me free!!!

 

I don’t know my start weight but after about a month of new eating I weighed and I have lost 45 pounds since then! Again I am not done. This is not a diet. This is my new life. I need prayer to continue on this path and what God wants for me.

Psalm 107:4  He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom, he snapped their chains.

 

Your story may be different then mine. God created us all different. God will lead you on your own journey if you let him. I always have trouble letting him. Sometimes he doesn’t answer prayer right away and sometimes he answers immediately! Don’t loose hope! He truly is a good father that loves us!!

Special thanks for my hubby for sometimes eating taco salad two nights in a row and not complaining. I love you so much. I am grateful for our awesome relationship.